Where have I been?
I figured I owed you an explanation on where I have been the past, oh, 16 or so months?
I think I may have disappeared from the face of social media around the time the Ukrainian war broke out. I felt I don´t have much to say. What other topic would be there to discuss when people´s life are affected in such truly horrible ways? In times like this, seeing light and simple topics discussed on socials is strange and seems plain stupid, indifferent and insensitive.
Yes, there were posts, and the best way to help, but people went on with their life. Which I guess is how it should be.
But as time went on, other things happened around the world, and I felt that I have nothing important to say.
I worked very long and hard hours. I did paperwork on vacation days, I wrote on the serpentines of the Romanian mountains things that shouldn´t have been important, yet, they were deemed that, by my boss.
With not having a day off, and being bothered on my day off while taking my kid to the ER (she is fine) I became frustrated. Increasingly frustrated.
Yet, I continued to work and be frustrated and not find my place.
I started suffering of all kind of symptoms, which were a bit strange for me, always in top shape. But nothing changed for a while.
Then around my birthday (go figure), I started thinking, with all this work, I lost all my morning solo time. Suffering from insomnia, and waking up at 3 am constantly would mean I get time to just sit with my thoughts or read a book, right? Wrong. My dog still takes me on a long walk every day 🙂 and I must say, walks are life changing. Grateful to this dog of ours.
I worked on new illustrations and watercolor paintings in every free minute.
So I reintroduced a couple of times of reading and journaling every morning. It seems, without those I loose my footing. If I don´t have a couple of minutes to sit with my thoughts, if I am on the run all the time, I am not myself.
In January a couple of new people were hired, so that gave me some time to create more.
I am happy to say that many more art was created since then. I have old old dreams that I hope to materialise this year. I was planning to create these new products (not wall art) for a few years now. Time was never on my side, but now I am optimistic and things are getting planned out and put in motion.
I will return with blog updates and on socials.
How walking helps my mind
I start every day with a walk. Be it cold or rainy, dark, gloomy or a fog that doesn't actually allow you to see anything I walk through the woods with my dog. I am thankful to be living near the woods. I meet all the same people, biking or running at crazy hours and in crazy weather like me.
It was my delayed grief therapy. I walked and cried. I miss my mother and I needed to feel my grief. I noticed after a couple of months, crying did not come. Now I walk and enjoy the woods and I listen to music, or a podcast, but the woods already gave me what I needed.
I can work through hard decisions there, like quitting my job, or quitting in general. I became very good listening to my intuition, but then I somehow lost the connection and it shows. I took a job I did not like, just because it is normal to work outside the home, I needed to work double the amount of time it was discussed, always overtime, computer work while on vacation, a boss creating a toxic workplace, celebrating working on state holidays, and everything you can imagine.
It took some guts to say no more, but I am still working, while waiting for the people to replace me. I want to only do art for a while. To work with clinics and hospitals and to paint. It is a full time job and it is a job, just like everything else. More importantly, it is a job that supports me and I wholeheartedly love. Every part of it.
Hope to be writing more here. Hope to have more time to go out and meet new people, see new shows, visit galleries. But the most importantly, hope to have time to spend with my family. I hate telling my girls, I can't now, I am working. I forgot this or that because I have too much on my plate.
I hope my sleep will improve, because working from 3 am to 6 pm is not fun. I don't want to do it. I don't celebrate hustle culture. Never did. I hope Europe is not getting on that train, though might be too late for that.
Hope to see you here more or through my newsletter that is getting revived. So many new people there. Thank you!
PS: The above picture is the lake I walk to through the woods. I snap a pic and then hope to put together a short video of the trees changing through the seasons.
