I had to get off social media

I have not posted for a while. Announcing this coincides with many people quitting social media for political reasons.

Well, while I have thoughts, and none are words of a caliber I would write here, I will just keep them to myself. There are many smart people out there analyzing the absolute shitshow going on. Ups, sorry. Really?

Deleting SM apps from my phone was an action long time coming. Simply, because my brain couldn´t function like that anymore. Do you think you are better than that? Do you think you can resist not opening those apps too many times a day? It also may be a time of year when many people are saying goodbye to their phones (well at least the scrolling part), and many are holding challenges and writing books about the topic. Well, I don´t need books, I just know I need to step away.

I need to feel present, to feel I can put the phone away and not miss it. I arrived at a phase when I would open some apps and mindlessly scroll and then realize 10 minutes later that I don´t really know why I unlocked my screen in the first place.

I felt my thoughts were a mess, I couldn´t think clearly, my mind was just running. But nothing was fueling it. I need to be able to watch a movie, or a documentary on the weekends and not scroll at the same time. To enjoy a knitting session without looking at IG stories. Because they don´t give me anything. At the end of the day, there is nothing I remain with.

I am so bored of the encouraging messages from corporate, high-functioning women, all preaching the same thing. If that works for you, go follow them. They are smart, well-dressed, and work from morning till evening. They recommend the same workouts, the same books, and have the same message. 

The day in my life in the form of video content? I don´t have time to spend watching you curling your hair in the morning and seeing how you arrive in the office, unpack your bag, and then get to work. And who films themselves while shopping for food? I mean really? You go to Target or whatever and set up your camera, take your position in front of the veggies, and film yourself. How many people do you have to then delete from your scenes? It becomes laughable.

I realize I am the stupid one here. Why did I spend time with them in the first place? 

Of course, there are exceptions. There are profiles worth following. I am sure. 

For now, though, I will listen to a few podcasts (just a few, my brain simply needs more quiet time now), watch a couple of documentaries on the weekend, and read. 

I notice my thoughts getting more organized, I notice I notice, you know? I am writing down ideas, drawing more with my kids, doodling, journaling a bit, and reading. I want to realize in the small pockets of time I have that it is ok not to reach for the phone, it is ok to just quiet your mind for a bit. I am not meditating, but just being. 

I will keep you updated on how my mind is reacting to less distraction. 

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